When my personal trainer [aka my husband] started his Zoom workout class the other morning he instructed, “Get in an athlete position.” I tensed up. I wasn’t an athlete as a child. I’ve never been an athlete. And I will never be an athlete. Yes, I happened to marry an athlete, but that doesn’t make me one.

But the next day, when I was on a run, I thought to myself, “Wait a second! In your 20’s, you did two half Ironmans. In your 30’s, you did Ashtanga yoga every day. In your 40’s, you show up to every one of your husband’s classes. Not an athlete? What is wrong with you?”

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I live in Northern California. And I’m a hugger.

Giving and receiving hugs is part of the joy that keeps me going so “keeping a distance” stirs up a lot of old feelings of loneliness, isolation and loss. Yet lately the physical distancing isn’t keeping me from feeling close to others. In fact, the connection I’m experiencing with family, friends and community is overwhelming and beautiful. My deepest hope is that despite the range of uncomfortable feelings you may be experiencing, that you're also finding soul-affirming support and love as well…and know that we are getting through this, together.

Right now, while hugs aren’t an option, I’m finding how powerful it is to be more present with myself and the people I love. And now felt like a good time to highlight one skill that really can be the difference-maker.

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My 18 year-old niece tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Aunt Katherine, you need to say something.”

I had finished my honey-mustard salmon and was in the midst of deciding if I was going to order another glass of wine.

“I’m not sure we need to do toasts tonight,” I responded.

The dimple on her right cheek formed. I wasn’t sure if she was going to laugh or get upset with me as she tapped my shoulder again, “No really Aunt Katherine I think you need to say something.”

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Stories stick. They stay inside of us. We connect to bits and pieces that sound and feel familiar. Stories cross ages and life stages and even life experiences. Stories provide lessons in an open, non-threatening, non-directive way. Much more than advice-giving ever could.

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That got your attention didn’t it?

2019 was a hard year. As a family, we took some serious blows. This past April, my husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. Yep, a routine colonoscopy revealed stage III cancer. We’re very lucky that the tumor was localized and treatable. A month before, my father had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

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When I started my coaching business in 2015, I reached out to an established communications coach for coffee.

She listened to me futz around trying to find the right words to explain my new business venture, and then gently asked, “Katherine, I’m sensing you’re embarrassed about something. What is it that you’re trying to hide?”

Ahh man, I thought, she’s good!

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My parents are moving from my childhood home and sent me a pile of letters, report cards and other mementos.

If you find yourself with boxes in the front hall dropped off by down-sizing parents, I urge you – before you tuck them away in the basement or toss them – take some time to go through them, at least quickly. There is so much history, clarity and story strength in the exercise.

[Extra points if you do this with your kids!]

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Storytelling is our most basic and most profound way of communicating. Knowing how to tell your story can be the difference between getting the job, landing the client, receiving the standing ovation—or not. It’s simple, but not easy. 

People come to me to when they have a keynote, TED-like talk, interview or just want to get more comfortable talking about themselves. They know something is missing but not sure what to include, what to take out. They want to make their story stick.

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I wrote in June about answering the ONE question that can bring a room to tears (in a good way).

Now…. I can’t offer you a simple, Mad-Lib-style, insert-adjective-here Template for giving a speech or presentation – but for something a little longer and/or more formal, I do have a sure-fire way to help you organize what you want to say. It can work for a professional or personal moment. It’s structured, reliable, repeatable…but not generic…there’s a difference!

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The scene: my wedding day, twenty years ago. Two hundred people seated, ready to dig into filet of beef and pomme frites. It’s time for the pre-meal blessing, and our priest was nowhere to be found. The marriage was sealed, but the fancy french fries were getting cold!

Panicking a little, I shot my dad a look across the long banquet table. He immediately stood up, walked over to the microphone and launched.

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So last month I offered a simple formula to help answer “Tell us about yourself,” without falling into a fast-moving river of dates and job titles and cascading over the waterfall of TMI. 

This month I’m going to tackle another question you can answer with authenticity and confidence… and without a trace of dread or annoyance.

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I got a call the other day from a friend who made it to the final round for a big job: “You’re never going to believe the question I blew during my interview, Katherine...”  

My spidey sense was that I would believe it and already knew, but I asked curiously, “What was it?” 

With a whimper she said, “Ugh. Tell us about yourself.”  

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You know I’m obsessed with helping you share your personal story and I'd like to share why.

When you dive into your story, you get to learn about who you are. You get to make meaning out of your life. You get to understand what you stand for and why. 

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Just be yourself.

I cringe when I hear myself —or worse, my husband—say that to our kids.

Which self am I suggesting they be? The kid who didn’t make their bed, left their wet towel on their floor and then forgot to say thank you for the homemade egg sandwich this morning? Don’t think so.

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You may not be commissioned for the Sistine Chapel, but you do have a message to share with the world. While I’m always here to help, here are five ways I’ve learned to get started…  on a speech or for any situation where I need to speak in front of others.

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Mining for stories is what I love to do. I help all kinds of people tell all kinds of stories, because I know that YOUR story matters. It doesn’t have to be a tearjerker or a tale of hardship. You have a message to share with the world, and I’m here to help. Want to find the story inside you? I’m leading some upcoming workshops and invite you to check them out. 

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