Find your words, find your power
When I started my coaching business in 2015, I reached out to an established communications coach for coffee.
She listened to me futz around trying to find the right words to explain my new business venture, and then gently asked, “Katherine, I’m sensing you’re embarrassed about something. What is it that you’re trying to hide?”
Ahh man, I thought, she’s good!
Grateful for her prodding I blurted out, “I don’t know what to call myself. I’m not really a public speaking coach. It’s deeper than that. I’ve developed this skill at helping people show up differently. You know, get more connected to their story so that they can speak in a way that touches people. I feel like I’m helping people create more meaning in their lives… but I’m not sure how to sell that.”
“Katherine, you’re a storyteller. There’s a growing need for those skills. The simple act of storytelling helps people make sense of themselves and their lives and gives meaning -- or at least can clear a path to it.”
“Doesn’t it sound hokey that I ‘help people create meaningful moments’?”
“Soft skills like critical thinking, problem solving, and effective communication continue to be a growing gap in the workplace. If you’re helping people find their voice, that’s meaningful. Nothin’ hokey ‘bout that.”
We all need help from others to illuminate what’s inside us, to find our words, to find our confidence.
Since that coffee date, I’ve worked with hundreds of people to help them tell their story. I help them reflect and talk about their life in a way that allows for introspection and discovery, as well as practical details about a few key experiences. We explore different ways of expressing their ideas, find the right words to say, and in the process create meaning -- and more meaningful moments -- in their lives. It’s deeply gratifying work.
It can be scary, liberating, joyful (often all of the above) to talk about ourselves.
Everyone has some degree of fear about sharing personal details. Important life events -- like being the first in your family to go to college, surviving life-threatening cancer, losing a parent as a child – may [or sometimes don’t] feel safe to talk about. The ‘gory’ details often hold us back from sharing the full story.
Yet what you’re hiding is often what will connect you with others.
I have to tell you, your fears aren’t that different than mine. My struggle to describe my role was never about doubting my skills, it was my judgment, the voices that said Who are you to call yourself an expert? You’re not good enough. You help people find their voice but what about finding your own?
[Hello, shame.]
Shame manages to go after us all. It goes straight for the part of you that makes you feel bad, that makes you assume when you say whatever-it-is out loud someone will pity you, make fun of you or judge you. When you hear those internal scripts, guess what? It interferes with being yourself. You’re not standing in your power; you’re not able to be your true self; yep, you’re hiding.
And it’s okay. Usually you come to me asking for help on how to shine a spotlight on your own experiences, overcome your fear and inner judgments, coax out the details that make your story fascinating and relatable – and in that process, find your voice.
So hey! Let me help you incorporate your story into a speech or presentation. Or prepare for an interview. Or get your About Me page together. The list goes on.
There’s nothing ‘soft’ about finding your words. Because when you do, you find your voice, you find your power, and you get to live more freely. Now, that’s meaningful.