Telling your story takes courage
“Katherine, you were an African American Studies major. What do you have to say about what’s been going on?” two friends asked me as we were socially distancing.
Self-doubt and fear gripped me. I had been busy listening to their conversation. With all eyes on me, I froze.
Freezing is an old mechanism for us pleasers who are afraid of saying the wrong thing, and it inhibits us from speaking on our feet, ie, using our voice. Maybe you can relate?
So now when I get anxious or lose my brain for a second, I’ve learned to slow down, breath and take a few seconds to gather my thoughts. That’s a tried and true tip that I sometimes forget.
Slowly, I answered “Yeah, I was the only white person in the major... but that was 25 years ago. That major saved me. The material was so interesting I actually wanted to show up to class. I guess diving into other people’s stories has always made me feel alive. It's how I learn best. I think that’s probably true for most of us.”
This was a sensitive question and an important answer. I knew I didn’t want to open my mouth and start preaching what I know. Starting with context welcomes people into the conversation, reduces that feeling of us vs them.
I went on to say,
“Last week, I got a call from two friends. Brian is White and a CEO who wanted to bring in Jerome who is Black and a CEO to talk about empowerment. They wanted my help to make sure the message landed. And to make sure this thoughtful act was not unintentionally racist. Over the course of my career, I’ve learned how to help people speak about tricky subjects and feelings. I felt grateful to be able to help them with their stories and elevate the moment.”
Within my answer to ‘what’s been going on’, I’m sharing part of my story. That I chose to learn how to help others speaking with authenticity and confidence, and how, in this moment, that’s the reason I was chosen to help.
I added, “And while I feel equipped to help people express themselves, I’m still learning how to do that myself when it comes to race and white privilege. It’s hard. I’m grateful systemic racism is getting more widely understood but these problems are not new. I try not to be shocked at how new this concept seems to people. Instead I’m trying to appreciate that people are learning and listening in a new way. And when we listen to each other, I mean really listen, we can begin to act. We begin to change.”
You might notice I was able to express a little frustration… and get across my belief that listening and storytelling are the key to changing the hearts, minds and actions of others. Stories bring us closer to each other. Stories open us up, and empower us to really hear each other.
One of my friends responded, “I think the most important thing you just said is that you’re still learning…”
She helped me see what I was trying to say all along, and captured it beautifully!
So yeah, in the midst of Covid, I’m still learning...and listening...and elevating the stories of others...with my whole heart.
In that vein, I’m honored to share with you Coach Jerome Gumb’s own story. The one he shared that day to Coach Brian’s team and the one he felt empowered to share more recently on Facebook and Linked In.
I could not have picked a better time to post.
Please allow me to be even more transparent as BLM is no longer the top headline. 😞
Two months ago, as the protests started sweeping the country, I was invited to speak to the team at Triage Consulting Group by CEO, Brian Neece, a close friend and parent of one of our Empower ME Academy (EMA) students.
At the time, he said his team was feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and disillusioned. They needed empowerment. Since he had trusted me to empower his kids, he was now trusting me with his team.
Every day I find small wonders. This will forever be one. I appreciated his leadership so much that I told him I could hug him..but COVID stopped me:-)
I informed the group of 300+ people on video that my goal as CEO and founder of EMA was to share with them how I’ve navigated systemic hurdles and survive racism hoping that they, too, will walk away feeling energized and empowered.
When we dig into what’s uncomfortable, we can grow.
When we stop denying the truth, we can change.
And when we can lift every voice, we can truly sing.