From headshot to Zoomshots...how to look and sound like the person you are

I’m rushing [as I always did pre-Covid] in my silver Honda Fit down the oversized concrete blocks of the Richmond district to meet a portrait photographer. I want a headshot for my business and have dreams of capturing my loving, joyful spirit in a headshot that screams, Look! You’re in good hands with this beautiful, confident woman as your coach!

Instead, as I wait in front of that steel gate for my photographer to answer the studio door, I feel my beauty and confidence plummet, splatting on the sidewalk. Why are you spending money on this? I ask myself. My spine stiffens, my jaw tenses and then the kicker of all kicker appears: There’s no way you’re going to look good... You’re not the pretty one. For the next hour, I can  barely crack a smile without my left cheek quivering as the story I’ve been telling myself since I was five gets louder and louder and louder. 

It was just me and the photographer. No one else was in the room. But I managed to hold multiple conversations. It's embarrassing to admit these voices still show up to  interfere with our plans. Most of the stories we have in our heads come from myths we came up with when we were forming. Recognizing, admitting, really seeing this inside ourselves is just the first step. Acknowledging, saying what these voices say to you out loud and bringing them to the surface helps. 

Over and over I dive into working with my clients by starting with their story. I ask about the moments where you get stuck when trying to present yourself. I ask about the words you wish people would use to describe you. I listen to the words that you actually hear in your head. We get underneath where the stories are coming from. We work to create a new, more accurate, authentic narrative. Two people digging deep, uncovering what’s inside, and creating, reframing and evolving... together. 

(For the record, I DID get a headshot I was happy with. All that expertise and the right lighting captured one good shot... and that’s all I needed!)

While you may not be in front of a professional’s camera any time soon, I’d like to zoom in on Zoom because at least once a day one of my clients apologizes, comments or agonizes about how they’re appearing on video.  I hate seeing myself, I hear. And now that you’ve heard my story, you know I’ve struggled with that feeling too.:)

So here are three tips so you can relax, and trust that you really do look and sound like the person you are:

-- Just like with my headshot, it’s all about lighting. Face the window, but have a window covering to soften the glare. You don’t want your face too bright, like you’re caught in a UFO tractor beam. That said, no one cares about your facial lines. Only you do. You do know under video settings, you can click on the “touch up your appearance” button. That helps but, remember, you are the only one who notices any imperfections. 

-- I’m not a fan of virtual backgrounds. It feels like you’re hiding something. Sure, take the time to make sure your background says what you want it to say. Books, flowers that look real, photos etc. but the beauty of Zoom is that we’re in your home. Let your dog scratch at the door and open it. The kids can bust in the room and use the printer and wave hello. There is something beautifully intimate about being in our homes with each other.

And the single most important piece of information that will help you connect with your audience in a real way (ie, land the job, the investor, client, be the hit of the webinar or give a talk that hits it out of the park) is... drum roll...

-- Focus on your audience. And by that I mean, LOOK AT THE GREEN DOT. 

That will approximate “eye contact.” Stop looking at yourself, stop looking at the person on speaker or gallery view. When you speak on Zoom, look at your video camera lens, wherever it is. It’s NOT in the middle of your computer screen, where you’re used to looking. You can glance at the people in the boxes from time to time and try to see them, their reactions, their humanity. But otherwise, when you are speaking, look at the Green Dot. 

You are the only self you get. So love it, embrace it, do what you can with the lighting, your background and where you put your gaze….essentially, get that self of yours out of your own way!

Your audience [of one, two, ten or a hundred] will feel your presence. They will feel your beauty. They will feel what it's like to be in the presence of someone who knows that beauty is not in the eye of the camera, or even the beholder. That beauty, my friend, comes from within.