Why Storytelling is not for the faint of heart

A couple of weeks ago, when I was walking my Zoom students through my Three C’s framework, I heard one of them sigh, “Oh, so we’re doing the big story,” and I smiled. Her exhale told me she understood the depth of the task at hand.
 
I don’t put my groups on mute during class for this very reason. I want to hear what they have to say. I want to hear their sounds, their reactions, heck, even shifts in their chair. Even though we’re virtual, I want us to have the kind of intimacy that comes from being in the same room together. 
 
I responded, “Yep, we’re going there!” and offered a prompt to begin our journey of finding, writing and sharing their Challenge | Choice | Change. 
 
As they wrote, I sat in awe at what technology– at its best– can do for us. I felt a wellspring of gratitude throughout my chest down to the tips of my toes for the eight people from different parts of the country on the call.
 
I was maybe a little too excited. I was about to tell myself to tone it down, but then pushed that voice aside. Instead, I reminded myself: finding, writing and sharing your story changed your life, Katherine. It’s okay to be excited for them.
 
But sometimes, getting to the often-messy truth means uncovering parts you’ve kept hidden, even from yourself. Let me tell you, this work ain’t for the faint of heart. My deeply sighing student seemed to know what might be coming.
 
Once upon a time, I unleashed an “Eff- You” at my husband and he hurled one back in my direction. We were in the emergency-of-parenting stage with three kids under the age of five. We were young, exhausted, overwhelmed, and building a life together here in San Francisco. 
 
That event became one of the stories in my book Speaking to What Matters. I can’t say I was excited when I started to write about it years ago. The shame had dulled but hadn’t disappeared. 
 
Following my Three C’s framework helped me see our lowest moment led us to that therapist’s couch. Putting our journey into words on the page helped me see how far Duncan and I had come and the choice we’d made to change. We were able to uncover the unhelpful stories we were telling ourselves and get closer. 
 
Here’s the thing: It's not like I just sat down one day and wrote my big story. I didn't just find it, or elegantly pour out all the smaller moments. It was hard and uncomfortable and took an inordinate amount of time and a relentlessness I didn’t even know I had inside of me! But I was on a truth-seeking mission, mostly for myself. Because as we communicate, we heal.
 
And eventually, my story became a gift for you, too. It's a way for you to see yourself and what you are overcoming more clearly. 
 
What I’ve learned is that we all keep banging into what we experienced growing up– even as we get older, maybe especially as we get older. Yes, we have new challenges but keep walking around with the same unhelpful stories we tell ourselves. Isn’t it time to let go of those old stories?
 
What I’ve also learned is that once you see the essential challenge you’ve spent your whole life overcoming– that’s when you get to meet your authentic self. When you get to this deeper level, the past doesn’t have to dominate the present moment. You get to tell yourself a new story, rooted in courage and empathy and truth. You get to see the real you, and, dare I say, you get to love that person even more. You get to choose.
 
They say the truth will set you free. I also believe the truth that you find in your story is a pathway to deeper intimacy and will bring you closer to the people you're here to reach– including yourself– the most important relationship of all. 
 
I want this for whomever this work is calling. 
 
So yeah, this is exciting! 😘

I’m hosting a two-day Women’s Retreat in Stinson. I would love to have you join. You might be thinking “Do I have to share during the retreat?” Well yes, yes you do. But what, how much, and how deep is up to you. What I have found to be the most essential ingredients: a yearning for something more, a searching for clarity, and a desire to do something special for yourself. You can learn a lot about yourself when you start looking. And it just starts by showing up. You can count on a magical and meaningful couple of days–and fun, too! Check it out: HERE 💗