(Here's) What it takes to change and grow 🌱

I was standing in the waiting room. I didn’t want to take a seat because I knew I’d be sitting for the next 90 minutes.

I’d reached out to my therapist, working through his new automated system. As I drove to Sacramento Street, I pulled my car over to double check I had the right time and address. 

So, there I was (in the right location) with barely a minute to spare. My eyes locked on the cover of a Psychology Today magazine lying on the coffee table. ‘Of course there's Psychology Today in the lounge.’  I shook my head with both dismay and delight. Why don’t I get this magazine? What would’ve happened if I didn’t get a C- in Psychology freshman year? Do I really need to start up therapy again?

‘There are two moments in a marriage I see the most,” our therapist once told us, “After the babies come and after they go.”

My husband Duncan and I went to therapy right after our three kids were born. One day, we realized the work we had put into creating deeper intimacy had paid off. Our kids were a couple of years older and we were finally letting go of old stories and moving past unhelpful dynamics. It also helped that our therapist said, ‘you guys are good.’ We completed our work together knowing Jeb would be there for us as life’s challenges came up.

So here I was, almost a decade later. I picked up the magazine and flipped to one of the headlines ‘Do the Hard Thing First.’ My chest puffed up a bit. I do a hard thing every morning. Waking up before dawn, driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, and seeing the sunrise is NOT hard. But damn! It IS hard to get in the cold open water. Because the water, well, is freezing.

But this isn’t a story about how I love being a mermaid every morning. What brings me into his new-to-me office on this sunny November morning isn’t my marriage or my family, or even the impending empty nest. I had been facing a crummy situation and wanted to shake the fear that was gripping my body. How were my unconscious thoughts keeping me stuck? What could I learn about myself? I didn’t want, in the words of Churchill, to let a good crisis go to waste. 💪

I also just wanted to see Jeb again. He was a big part of my story. He helped Duncan and me find our humor, our joy, and our spark again. He helped me begin to uncover core wounds like am I enough? am I love-able? I wanted to thank him in person – and celebrate all that unfolded this past year.

But after three minutes of standing in the lounge, it dawned on me that I was the one who needed to go in. I peered down the long hall, saw the door slightly ajar and burst into the room. After we embraced, I sat down, pulled out my turquoise-hearted notebook, and blurted out the words we’d heard every week from him all those years ago, “Let’s evolve!”

 📸 Credit: San Francisco Sunrise, Lisa Blackaller Williams, @Lisawilliamslight