What makes an authentic life?

Last August, I was driving my son to the airport for his senior year in college. We were talking about my upcoming book launch, who would be joining the Zoom, and how this whole publishing-a-book-thing was starting to feel.

“I’m nervous, Charlie. But I’m really trying to trust that my story will land in the right hands and inspire people to tell their story.”

“What are you going to say at the launch?” he asked.

I felt my stomach drop. “I think I’ll focus on the message that my story can teach others. You know, how this is a story about the cost of keeping things inside. Or maybe it’s really about what can happen when you find the courage to speak up about what matters to you.”

I was kind of talking out of what my Canadian friend Sarah would call my arse! Don’t get me wrong. All of that is great and true. But the launch was in a couple of weeks and I still wasn’t sure how it was all going to unfold. When I get anxious, I get unclear. 

Speaking of, he said, “Yeah Mom, that's great and true. And I love the wisdom your story can teach others—it will be your legacy. Joey, Kate, and I are living proof. But don’t forget about the fact that you sat down to find, write, and share your story. That you DID this --- THIS is what you are giving people.”

“Oh my God,” I chuckle, “You’re right.”

I’ve heard myself say to my clients how hard it is to see your own story. That we all need a mirror. My 21 year old son was reminding me that I did the work, kept at it, and pushed past the fear I had - and was sharing it anyway.

He goes on, “I mean, telling your story gets you closer to who you really are. And when you are more of your authentic self, you get to live a more authentic life.”

We’d come to the end of a long stretch of traffic lights where the road suddenly becomes a highway. Instead of speeding up, I noticed my foot pressing the pedal ever so gently. I didn’t want our short ride to be over sooner than it had to be.

Charlie was quiet for a sec but must have been picking up on my anxious vibe, ‘What are you still hung up on, Mom?”

I paused, held my breath for a sec, and then found myself saying, “When Papa was dying he asked me to share the Do You Still Love Me story with you. Sharing a story about him, with you, is one thing. But sharing so much of my story, in a book, publicly, is another. I mean, people I love, and also who I have never met, are going to read this and see…that I'm not perfect, that we are not perfect.”

He looked at me, nodded his head a bit, but didn’t seem phased by my admission. I guess he doesn't expect me to be perfect, or knows all-too-well how much I’m not. 

So I kept going, “I wanted to process and acknowledge the work that Papa and I put in to create such an authentic, honest and deep relationship. I would like to think he would be proud of me. Maybe I’m just tapping into the same old Do You Still Love Me question I wrote about throughout the book.”

“They’re also going to see what an incredible man he was and how much he showed up for you," adding, "And hey, what’s that saying? If you’re not a little nervous, then it isn’t worth doing...”

I shot him a big smile, squeezed his left thigh, and tried to acknowledge with my eyes how much his support and wisdom meant to me.

A few minutes later, after a big hug and goodbye, I drove away from Terminal 3 with a profound gift. I realized the anxiety I was feeling was just fear and that all I needed to do was push past it again. I was proud of the story. I was proud of myself. And I was deeply grateful.

Because the book — and the finding, writing and sharing of the story— was bringing me closer to people who matter most to me and closer to the person I am. Whatever happened after the book launch was going to be enough. Because I am enough.

There is something in every one of you that waits, listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself, and if you cannot hear it, you will never find whatever it is for which you are searching. . . . if you cannot hear the sound of the genuine in you, you will, all of your life, spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls. - Howard Thurman

Maybe that is what living an authentic life is all about. When you speak your truth, it frees you up to listen to the sound of the genuine in yourself...which is the truest guide any of us will ever have.

It sure helps to have people you love and trust who are along for the ride!