When a storyteller tells a true personal story with an open heart, everyone benefits, everyone can be changed.
Thank you to the following nonprofits who have invited me to be part of their efforts.
“Don't you feel a little exposed, Duncan?!”
My husband is shaking his hips, doing his signature dance move, aptly called the pencil sharpener.
We had slipped away from our kids and responsibilities for the weekend to celebrate our anniversary. The sky was dark. The stars were out. Sonos was blaring Kool and the Gang. And the beach house with windows-on-every-wall-and-no-shades was making me feel vulnerable to judging passers-by.
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The strangest request came in a couple years ago from one of my clients.
Smart, engaged, with an entire career under her belt, this client had initially come to me for help expressing why she cared so deeply about certain philanthropic causes, to help these organizations raise money. (Fundraising is all about story-sharing, standing in other people’s shoes, and supporting common values.)
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The other day I received an email from a student after our storytelling workshop. The stories everyone shared were unique and personal, and they must have resonated.
“Story work is powerful,” he wrote, “I don't feel so alone.”
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You tell your story — the one that gives someone a glimpse into who you are, what you care about — so that someone can connect with you. You want them to see you, not just the veneer of skills or lists of accomplishments that might convince them to hire you, like you, or date you. You want them to see who you are on the inside.
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When my three kids were in preschool, I remember attending a parent workshop where I raised my hand and asked, “How do you elevate the conversation at dinner?”
The teacher looked right at me and, with an ever-so-slight huff, responded “Really? Don’t you think you’re asking a lot of your family right now? You just need to get through this stage.”
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January 6th I woke up to an email in my inbox about epiphanies from one of my favorite writers. I was relieved it wasn’t another email about goal setting or new year’s resolutions. I write things down in the form of a list every day, I make plans—or used to, and I put one foot in front of the other. Haven’t we learned anything from last year? Goal setting is so 2019.
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I was sitting to my dad’s left when he turned to me and said, “You know, it’s been a great year.”
We were celebrating his 82nd birthday. It had been exactly one year since we learned about his pancreatic cancer diagnosis.
I chuckled to myself. The week before I had expressed the same sentiment to a dear friend and was met with, “Uh, how has your year been great, Katherine? Your dad’s dying of pancreatic cancer and your husband’s tackling a three-inch tumor in his colon.”
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I’m rushing [as I always did pre-Covid] in my silver Honda Fit down the oversized concrete blocks of the Richmond district to meet a portrait photographer. I want a headshot for my business and have dreams of capturing my loving, joyful spirit in a headshot that screams, Look! You’re in good hands with this beautiful, confident woman as your coach!
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“Katherine, you were an African American Studies major. What do you have to say about what’s been going on?” two friends asked me as we were socially distancing.
Self-doubt and fear gripped me. I had been busy listening to their conversation. With all eyes on me, I froze.
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When my personal trainer [aka my husband] started his Zoom workout class the other morning he instructed, “Get in an athlete position.” I tensed up. I wasn’t an athlete as a child. I’ve never been an athlete. And I will never be an athlete. Yes, I happened to marry an athlete, but that doesn’t make me one.
But the next day, when I was on a run, I thought to myself, “Wait a second! In your 20’s, you did two half Ironmans. In your 30’s, you did Ashtanga yoga every day. In your 40’s, you show up to every one of your husband’s classes. Not an athlete? What is wrong with you?”
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I live in Northern California. And I’m a hugger.
Giving and receiving hugs is part of the joy that keeps me going so “keeping a distance” stirs up a lot of old feelings of loneliness, isolation and loss. Yet lately the physical distancing isn’t keeping me from feeling close to others. In fact, the connection I’m experiencing with family, friends and community is overwhelming and beautiful. My deepest hope is that despite the range of uncomfortable feelings you may be experiencing, that you're also finding soul-affirming support and love as well…and know that we are getting through this, together.
Right now, while hugs aren’t an option, I’m finding how powerful it is to be more present with myself and the people I love. And now felt like a good time to highlight one skill that really can be the difference-maker.
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My 18 year-old niece tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Aunt Katherine, you need to say something.”
I had finished my honey-mustard salmon and was in the midst of deciding if I was going to order another glass of wine.
“I’m not sure we need to do toasts tonight,” I responded.
The dimple on her right cheek formed. I wasn’t sure if she was going to laugh or get upset with me as she tapped my shoulder again, “No really Aunt Katherine I think you need to say something.”
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Stories stick. They stay inside of us. We connect to bits and pieces that sound and feel familiar. Stories cross ages and life stages and even life experiences. Stories provide lessons in an open, non-threatening, non-directive way. Much more than advice-giving ever could.
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That got your attention didn’t it?
2019 was a hard year. As a family, we took some serious blows. This past April, my husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. Yep, a routine colonoscopy revealed stage III cancer. We’re very lucky that the tumor was localized and treatable. A month before, my father had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
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When I started my coaching business in 2015, I reached out to an established communications coach for coffee.
She listened to me futz around trying to find the right words to explain my new business venture, and then gently asked, “Katherine, I’m sensing you’re embarrassed about something. What is it that you’re trying to hide?”
Ahh man, I thought, she’s good!
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My parents are moving from my childhood home and sent me a pile of letters, report cards and other mementos.
If you find yourself with boxes in the front hall dropped off by down-sizing parents, I urge you – before you tuck them away in the basement or toss them – take some time to go through them, at least quickly. There is so much history, clarity and story strength in the exercise.
[Extra points if you do this with your kids!]
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Storytelling is our most basic and most profound way of communicating. Knowing how to tell your story can be the difference between getting the job, landing the client, receiving the standing ovation—or not. It’s simple, but not easy.
People come to me to when they have a keynote, TED-like talk, interview or just want to get more comfortable talking about themselves. They know something is missing but not sure what to include, what to take out. They want to make their story stick.
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I wrote in June about answering the ONE question that can bring a room to tears (in a good way).
Now…. I can’t offer you a simple, Mad-Lib-style, insert-adjective-here Template for giving a speech or presentation – but for something a little longer and/or more formal, I do have a sure-fire way to help you organize what you want to say. It can work for a professional or personal moment. It’s structured, reliable, repeatable…but not generic…there’s a difference!
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The scene: my wedding day, twenty years ago. Two hundred people seated, ready to dig into filet of beef and pomme frites. It’s time for the pre-meal blessing, and our priest was nowhere to be found. The marriage was sealed, but the fancy french fries were getting cold!
Panicking a little, I shot my dad a look across the long banquet table. He immediately stood up, walked over to the microphone and launched.
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