And *bam* I'm right back in church

It’s 10:02 am when I sit, log in and hear my coach is starting our workshop with a breathing exercise. I’ve lived in Northern California for over 25 years. You’d think I wouldn't bristle at this point. I tell myself, Surrender Katherine, this could be good for you today, she’s not woo-woo, she just knows you need to get in your skin. To be present. To be here.

After a couple minutes, she says, “Okay today we’re going to look at your inner perfectionist.”

I think, Oh this will be easy…cuz I’m not a perfectionist.

My eyes are closed and the breathing continues. She begins to guide us through a visualization exercise.

“Go back,” she said. “Go back. We’re going to find where the perfectionist started.”

I first saw my mother. Her long legs. Her high waist. Her hazel eyes. Then in an instant, an image slammed into my vision the way a kneeler hits the church floor.

I saw her.
The perfect little girl.
Kneeling with her hands in prayer.
Above her was the Mother Mary statue and the longhaired Jesus on the cross.
Her eyes were closed deep in prayer. Her blonde hair had the shine of a summer spent in a chlorinated pool.
I knew exactly what she was saying. Lord I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed.
My back stiffens. My eyelids flutter. The hairs on top of my arms raise.
There I was.

I’ve since done three more visualizations, each one is more interesting than the last. I know these are functions of my imagination but can’t help but marvel how the unconscious plays a role in holding us down, and in pushing us forward. We unlock thoughts about ourselves that are grounded in beliefs we were taught, that may or may not have any truth.

I don’t do visualization exercises with my clients, those are for my own benefit. What I do is help you go back. Tell the story. Dig deeper. Uncover. Edit. Clarify. Sculpt.

What I believe is that when we go back, we see ourselves more clearly and, in the process, build that muscle of courage and confidence we need to show up more fully, more connected and less restricted from notions of who we think we should be.

There is nothing perfect about me, Or you. Or any of us. The good news is once we see, I mean really see, what unconsciously we are bringing to every conversation, every moment in the sun, every Zoom or real stage, we can interrupt those pressures we put on ourselves.

And then, only then,

We get to be who we really are.

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I’d like to take this chance to thank my coach Cara Jones. I may have learned how to be a story coach long before I met you but you’re helping me step into a fuller expression of myself. I'm so deeply grateful!

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And to you, my dear readers, we just can’t do it alone. Maybe you can. But I’m quite certain I can’t, and I don’t want to. Partnerships are what makes life that much sweeter.

Yours in storytelling,

Katherine

PS. If you visualize yourself starting or growing your business and want to show up with more confidence and authenticity, if you have a personal or professional moment that you want help organizing your thoughts, or if you want to learn how tell your personal story, reach out.